Team Stell

Oct 25

I have been super horrible about talking to anyone during these hard times. I have a couple people I have been talking with alot, more than normal and other than that been keeping to myself and family. So needless to say I have been slack on updating this, but thats just normal isn’t it. So as most if not all know my best buddy passed on Wednesday the 13th at 11:37 AM. The days leading up to this he was getting worse as far as stats, but he still would wake up for drinks and his dog food. So I guess we were expecting any moment for him to just get up and go like he did before back in May. Well that morning when Karrie went in the other room to get Taylor ready for school. I could hear him making some noises under his oxygen mask. Which I took as normal, figuring he was having a bad dream and would wake up crying soon like before. Well this didn’t happen. I fact he really didn’t respond after around 8:30 AM. He was really working to get air. We called the hospice nurse who was here in no time like always. She upped the morphine to try to relax him. Which she would have to do once or twice more. I will leave out some details and just say that from 8:30 to 9:30 was not pretty and after that was bad enough. From what I understand death is not an easy or peaceful thing even though thats what everyone’s obituary reads. I guess that’s so everyone can feel better about the whole deal. I could have probably beared it alot better if it was my mom, dad, sister, or brother. But watching my son/best buddy passing in front of my eyes and the only thing I could do is break them O so sacred pinky promises. All those times I told him giving up wasn’t an option, you have to be tougher than boiled dog turds, quitting is not an option, lets prove them wrong again. Yeah all those and more. Well as he was laying there gasping for his 3 breaths a minute I had to whisper in his ear that everything I had programmed into his head needed to be deleted, and it was OK for him to give up now. His mother never left his side as always, but I had to have a couple away moments. When he did pass it was peaceful in fact he looked more peaceful after than he had in a long time. Usually the hospice nurse bathes them and has them picked up. Well not here. Karrie along with a little of my help bathed him and clothed him and we took him to the funeral home. Yes she was sitting in the front seat holding him in her arms as I drove the 30 min. to the funeral home. That would have been interesting if we would have gotten pulled over. The funeral was a great success in my eyes and I can’t thank Scott at Montlawn enough. The days after have been unrealistic. It all seems so blurry and unreal. Everything we do reminds us of Conner who obviously was involved in everything. I can’t even pee without thinking of him. I will now sahre the speech I read aloud at the reflection time during the ceremony.
4.5 yrs ago a special someone was born. How much more special does it get than having a son come into a family of 3 with the first being daughter. The perfect family, yeah we had our problems and accidents like most, if not all other families. In fact Conner had gotten around 17 stitches by the time he was 3. Not to mention the numerous bruises ans so on that active little boys might come across. Well these bruises and a few othe symptoms would eventually lead to day 1 of our battle.
1.5 yrs ago we got the original news at an urgent care facility. When the actual Dr. is present to inform the news rather than just the physicians assistant you know it’s not good. We were reffered to UNC where the news was confirmed. Conner had the worst, of the worst, of the worst. Acute Myeloid Leukemia, Monosomy 7, Subtype M0. Prognosis was bad from day 1, but I don’t think this disease knew who it had messed with.
The only real hope was a bone marrow transplant, a 10 of 10 donor was found. But the counts never could get where they needed to be. After approximately 6 rounds of chemo, treatment was stopped. Sounds easy, but that’s over 120 some days of inpatient at the hospital. Which included solitary confinement, numerous near fatal infections, countless ER visits, and a beautiful little innocent sister that had to try to fit in, as she was unfortunately juggled through the nightmare. That’s about as brief as of a description as I can give of the days leading up to and during the battle.
Now for the hard part. I guess a lot of men have sons, but do they ever get to be best buddies with there son. Or do they understand what real best buddies are!! Well for starters you have to have sword fights when you pee. If one forgets the code to start the skid loader the other always remembers. If one fills the truck with the excavator, the other honks the horn. You have to hold hands when you get the chicken eggs so the rooster doesn’t get ya. One catches the fish the other reels them in. If the BB gun doesn’t scare the boogey man than you get the high powered rifle out. One pushes the gas the other runs the wheel. When I reach back and tap your leg you tap my side. By the way, real best buddies strap strollers on the back of there Harley. Ocean waves hit ones feet and the others knees. If that steer won’t go in the trailer you have to turn the horse and wave your hat. Yes you can lay on my belly again tonight. Can I borrow a nickel I have a good hand. (most of this don’t make since, I explained during the speech)
I told Conner from day 1 he had to be tougher than boiled dog turds which he was. Thinking this is supposed to be the other way around, he is supposed to be watching me pass. I had to take that back and tell him it was OK to give up, as much as I didn’t want him to. But real best buddies can’t be selfish. That was my speech, however I got through it I did……
Daddy

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